Originally posted at SV by JayshALLAH:

JayshALLAH's Fashion Line of Niqabs:

WARNING: THIS EMAIL IS VERY VERY LAME. BUT INSHALLAH AT LEAST ONE OF THE NIQABS WILL MAKE YOU CHUCKLE, IF NOT CHUCKLE THEN AT LEAST GIGGLE...AND IF NOT GIGGLE, THEN AT LEAST HAVE A WARM FUZZY FEELING INSIDE YOU.

--> X-RAY NIQAB: This Niqab was inspired by the hadith that says that the maidens in Paradise will wear 70 layers of clothing but they will be see-through to the husbands. The X-RAY NIQAB is made of a special material that on the outside is opaque and covers a woman up. However, her husband gets special X-ray goggles through which the Niqab becomes see-through. The X-RAY NIQAB HAS A SPECIAL FREQUENCY RANGE SO ONLY THOSE PARTICULAR X-RAY GOGGLES WORK.

--> ELECTRO-SHOCK NIQAB: This Niqab was inspired by the self-defense weapon known as a stun-gun, commonly used by women to protect themselves from hostile assailants. The ELECTRO-SHOCK NIQAB is made of a special fiber that when touched by an intruder will spark and send 10,000 Amps of current running through the intruder's body thereby demobilizing him.

--> DOUBLE-AGENT NIQAB: This Niqab was inspired by the international spy known as James Bond. The DOUBLE-AGENT NIQAB has two eye-pieces, one in the front where the woman's real eyes go and one in the back (the back of her head). Thus, the DOUBLE-AGENT NIQAB fools others as to which direction the Niqabi is going, either frontwards or backwards. (Is frontwards a word?)

--> BULLET-PROOF NIQAB: This Niqab was inspired by the men and women who serve in the police force. The BULLET-PROOF NIQAB is made of a very strong alloy (kevlar) used to deflect bullets.

--> HELLICOPTER HIJAB: This hijab was inspired by Inspector Gadget. The HELLICOPTER HIJAB at the push of a button releases helicopter blades. Petite women can fly using this device. On the other hand, more thick women (such as those hefty Arab women) can use the device as a very nice cool-down fan. WARNING: The HELLICOPTER HIJAB requires that the blades be greased every 2-4 weeks.

--> DOLPHIN NIQAB: Many Niqabis and Hijabis complain that they cannot go swimming because their excessive clothing bogs them down in the water. No fear! The DOLPHIN NIQAB was created in the shape of an arrow with a dolphin fin attached at the back. The niqab is aero-dynamic and actually allows swimmers to pick up more speed.

--> LIFESAVER NIQAB: This is a spin-off of the Dolphin Niqab. The LIFESAVER NIQAB is a niqab made out of the same material lifesaver jackets are made out of, so that the niqabi can float in the water without the fear of drowning. Swimming goggles are already attached to the Niqab.

--> JET-ROCKET NIQAB: This Niqab was inspired by the F-16 Fighter Jet. The JET-POCKET NIQAB has with it a jet-powered backpack attached to it...the Niqab acts like a cape and the Niqabi can become a super hero...but always remember, wearing tights and underwear as your outside covering is haram.

--> GLOW-IN-THE-DARK NIQAB: Most Niqabs are typically black and thus can be dangerous at night. Oncoming traffic on the road oftentimes do not see these Niqabis in the dark. Thus, the GLOW-IN-THE-DARK NIQAB is made out of glow-in-the-dark material as well as reflectors so that cars can see Niqabi pedestrians and steer clear.

--> EDIBLE NIQAB: OK, my ideas for Niqabs are getting lamer and lamer becuase I am running out of ideas but bear with me. The EDIBLE NIQAB is used during the holy month of Ramadan. After the fast is broken, the niqabi can simply take bites out of her niqab, which comes in three bio-degradable flavors: chocolate, buryani, and curry flavors.

--> DIET NIQAB: This DIET NIQAB was designed for women watching their weight. It is made out of very constricting material so that it becomes tighter and tighter as the day goes on. This actually helps women shrink their cellulite and has actually been the only niqab to have had success in Western markets.

--> CAMOFLAUGE NIQAB: Other than the fact that I can't spell the word Camoflauge, the CAMOFLAUGE NIQAB is made of a military fatigue color. In fact, the US Army is recruiting more and more Camoflauge Niqabis becuase they are all covered up in camoflauged material 100% and thus are undetectable by enemy forces.

Bonus: You can take my quiz to find out which of these niqab styles you should wear!